Feb 12 2009
Thieving Thursday: My Writing Pet Peeve
Well, it’s thieving Thursday and I have many choices. However, I kinda have to go with a comment I made with regards to (a) something I never ever do in a book and (b) one of my all time biggest pet peeves in writing, which I’ll get to in a moment.
See, my friend, flitting on fiction , like so many of us, was commenting on reading Twilight , where she didn’t get the appeal. I actually got the appeal, even though, on second read through, I got the flaws, too. But she also noted that having someone able to read your thoughts and who came in to watch you sleep was creepy. OK, putting it that way, it IS creepy in a Santa Claus kind of way, especially since our hero in Twilight is the one just saying “no.” (And, no, no more spoilers).
I noted that there’s a fine line, actually, between romance and creepy and we see it all the time. If he’s hopelessly in love with you and follows you on dates, dreaming about you from afar, it’s pretty easy to call it “creepy”. If he follows you around to make sure you’re alright but also because he’s jealous of other guys even though he is your guy, that can be creepy or romantic depending on who’s doing the judging. We can’t flirt with other fellows to get our guys jealous and not think it’s at least a little romantic. And, let’s face it, that’s pretty common.
Jealousy, in small amounts, is sweet and romantic. Big doses and it become creepy/dangerous/onerous. Unfortunately, that distinction is often lost in books and other media, where things are portrayed black and white and where what is good and what is bad is more a matter of who’s doing it rather than what they’re doing. Which brings me back to my pet peeve.
Rape.
See, I have two rules in writing. One is, every longish work has to have at least one cat.
The other is rapists are always bad guys and die by the end of the book. Always. Those that target children don’t die pleasantly.
Why so vehement? Two reasons. Rape is one of those crimes that, in my opinion, never has an excuse. I’m not talking about two sweaty teenagers where one (or both) is technically underage; in fact, it’s frustration to me that so many things get dumped into the same “term” - it cheapens it. I’m talking situations where someone uses a woman’s (or a child or another man’s) body against her/his will. I’m a relatively non-violent person (which, given I’ve written a book in the sword and sorcery genre, may be surprising), but I believe there is such a thing as justifiable homicide and justification for certain types of violence. I just can’t think of a justifiable reason for rape.
As a woman with an ultra-feminist father, I haven’t faced it personally, but my father gave me just about every bit of rape literature he could find. In his opinion, rape was the worst of the worst and he wanted me to be able to protect myself, which may be why I haven’t faced it personally. But, if I have a well-ingrained prejudice, it’s against rapists.
The other reason? I’m am appalled, disgusted, nauseated and dismayed at the tendency of women who write fiction for women to glorify and excuse away rape as romantic. What kind of message do we send to impressionable young minds when we tell them that someone who can’t help himself and forces himself on you is a romantic hero, perfect to spend the rest of your life with? And we wonder why date rape is so prevalent especially among our youth.
You want to be romantic, build a character who respects women, who is looking for a partner, someone who can challenge his mind not just inflame his body. Inflaming one’s body is fine, too, but you can’t build a healthy romance on sex alone. Protecting a woman from his overt desires, isn’t that really more romantic than overpowering her reservations through force? So, sure, I could see Edward as creepy, but he never hurts her. And that’s a pretty powerful message to send to girls who could use it.
And, yeah, I’m not objective
Also, if you haven’t read flit’s short story, Leaving , you should. Seriously.
And vote. There’s hardly any action going this week. Don’t make me sick that baby on you!
You know, I never did get what was so “romantic” about the action in those old “bodice-rippers”; essentially, the big, bold he-man male romantic figure rapes the heroine. And she falls in love with him for that? How in the world is that at all romantic, fer pete’s sake? I know men can get titillated by a rape fantasy, but I didn’t realize that women did (and it was a female audience that the bodice-rippers were aimed at). And of course the quintessential soap opera never-ending-love romance, Luke and Laura on General Hospital, started with Luke raping Laura on an empty dance floor.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t get it!
the cats are awesome …. in the first one, anyway ….I’m looking forward to meeting them in the new one …. this week
and thanks for the link(s)
Hey, Stephanie. I took a few days off to uh… I don’t know… get my head together, I guess.
Anywho… I don’t know a lot about science, but I can chat with you about this. Fiction writing and romance novels…love it!
Edward, and most other vampires for that matter, is HOT. I like the mystery, self-confidence, and uniqueness about his character. And, yes, his protectiveness and slow-to-move-in attitude is sexy and romantic. Ah…the daydreams I’m going to have later today…
I’ve read many romance novels that have the ravishing lover take advantage of the lustful, but reluctant victim. And, yes. I’ve gotten caught up in that. I agree that it sends the wrong message. How can you explain that rape is brutal, yet a turn-on? Animalistic and inhumane, yet a hot and steamy fantasy? There’s no reconciliation there, but I’ve tried. I’m ashamed. But, yes. I’ve tried to reason through what the difference in my warped mind could possibly be.
I’ve discussed this with my husband, so I’ll share it. Not saying it’s right–just saying.
I think for a woman who secretly does want to be with someone, but knows it’s forbidden, if that man did it anyway, it would absolve her of the guilt (yeah, yeah, I know. she’ll still feel guilty)…absolve her of the responsibility. She didn’t really do anything, he did it. She still got what she wanted, but without acting consciously. Some even argue that this isn’t even rape. Just because she said no, but her actions said otherwise… I still believe it’s rape. That gray area is what court cases are made of.
I guess this rape would be the kind I could live with. No nightmares or therapy needed to cope with it. There’s the other mess that you never rid of… the violent, or gang, or humiliating rape. Some stranger in the bushes jumps out–gross. A date that was already going bad, went terribly wrong–not good. Drunk Uncle Pete–I’m gonna throw up. But… that hot guy at work that you can’t stop thinking about, but refuse to get involved with because he’s your colleague, even though you love spending time with him and are really hot for him… if he seduced you and went just a little further than you told him to… in fact, you told him there was no way in hell cause you’re using your head and not your body… I think I’d be ok. This rape wouldn’t be the worse thing that ever happened to me.
Maybe this just comes from the impressionable young mind I had that was ruined by all the romance novel junk.
It’s very confusing for men. They don’t know when the woman really wants to be over-powered and when she really means NO. In which case, a man should NOT act. If she says or gestures “no”, believe that she means it and save yourself the trouble later. If she’s drunk or otherwise incapable of giving effective consent–refrain. Women should also give clear signals. If you don’t want him, don’t lead him on.
The thing I take to be the creepiest, most inexcusable thing, involves anyone harming a child. That would be my pet peeve, like “Flowers in the Attic”.
Davida
I see no romance or heroism in the stories you are referring to either.
Davida
Yeah I see what you mean. I don’t find any romance in sordid stories.
I’ve seen this more than once in fanfic, and I was kind of hoping it was largely limited to a writing arena where the story in question didn’t have to get past an editor to be published, but…apparently not. Stories where it’s supposedly okay that the hero overpowers the woman, or where the man rapes the woman but it’s okay because she likes it in the end and is attracted to him afterward anyway (there’s apparently a very popular Snape/Hermione fic that goes like this, and aside from the fact that I ship canon anyway and the general squick factor of student/teacher relationships, the fact that it was rape…just no)…and yeah, a lot of them are by women. I suppose some of these stories are dub-con (dubious consent), which is slightly different from rape in that the woman wants it but…doesn’t know she wants it? Doesn’t want to want it? Something. I find those icky as well.
And, you know, okay, some people have rape fantasies. You want to roleplay that with someone you trust, that’s totally fine. Whatever. But writing this kind of stuff really does mess people up, I think.
And my only reaction to your description of The Warrior Within is a big o_O. I…can’t understand how anyone would print this, let alone want to read it.