Jan 03 2009
Saturday Quote-a-thon! A new feature
Since I tend spend the weekend fielding questions for “Ask the ________”, my Friday feature, it occurred to me that having a meaningful blog is sort of silly and distracting. But what to do?
Well, I’m am quite the quote gatherer and it occurred to me that I could give the people who liked to check my blog out every single day something new to read without really detracting from the question answering (which is still going on - please do contribute a question to “Ask Madame Know-It-All ” as an ask article is pretty lame without some questions to answer). So, every Saturday, I will serve up some gems from my stash of truly excellent quotations, perhaps in keeping with the Ask topic. And, today, I came prepared with some of the all time greatest snotty quotes and comebacks. By the way, on any of my quote-a-thon articles, feel free to contribute a classic if you think it works with the theme. I love adding to my collection.
So, Snotty Quotes:
Lady Astor: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.
Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d drink it.
Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
-Dorothy Parker ( regarding Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged)
I wish I could drink like a lady,
I’ll have one or two at the most.
Three and I’m under the table,
Four and I’m under the host.
-Dorothy Parker
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
-Dorothy Parker
In those days he was wiser than he is now; he used to frequently take my advice.
-Winston Churchill
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
-Winston Churchill
Go on writing plays, my boy, One of these days one of these London producers will go into his office and say to his secretary, “Is there a play from Shaw this morning?” and when she says, “No,” he will say, “Well, then we’ll have to start on the rubbish.” And that’s your chance, my boy.
-George Bernard Shaw
I do not believe I could learn to like her except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
-Mark Twain
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass.
-Mark Twain
Jane Austen’s books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.
-Mark Twain [an opinion with which I disagree]
I haven’t any right to criticise books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Everytime I read ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
-Mark Twain
There is humor in Dod Grile, but for every laugh that is in his book there are five blushes, ten shudders & a vomit. The laugh is too expensive.
-Mark Twain
I believe that in India “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass doorknob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-Mark Twain [not mean, but funny]
Hopefully, that’s not formatted too badly. I’m underwhelmed with the ability to cut/paste from MS Word. And don’t forget to vote in my poll on the sidebar. If you don’t see it, let me know, and I’ll let you vote outside the poll for who I’ll be in next week’s Ask incarnation!
love the quotes!! also, I voted!!
Yay, for voting! Also, I’m glad you liked the quotes. I went and fixed the formatting. Again!
I love Twain’s quote about the jackass.
Have I said… well, wrote “Happy New Year!” to you yet? Well, Happy New Year! I hope you have a wonderful 2009!
Davida
Thanks, Davida. The same to you. I’ve always been fond of Twain’s sharp tongue.
What fabulous quotes these are! Mark Twain, Dorothy Parker, Shaw - all great favorites of mine. Fine Saturday company!
I’m glad you enjoyed them. I literally have nearly 80 pages of quotes. I figure I’m covered for quite some time.
I don’t know how I managed it but I accidentally deleted Hava’s comment when I meant to approve it. I can only abjectly apologize. Fortunately, I still have the text in my email and am including it here:
I am not a big fan of Jane Austen ::cowering in the corner:: so I’m rather afraid I have to agree with Twain on this one. She just seems to go on and on about nothing.
Yes, I know, I should have my librarian title taken away from me. I just can’t help myself…
Anyway, all of these quotations reminded me of a book I saw at the library that was full of these kinds of quotations (including the one about poisoned coffee.) I shall endeavor to remember the name of the book, because I rather think you’d enjoy reading it.
Havs
http://nonfictionlover.today.com
Again, my apologies to Hava. My mistake was unintentional, I assure you!
These were great … a lot of people don’t realize what an acid wit Mark Twain had, nor what a curmudgeon he was. Thanks for publicizing the Not So Nice Twain.
To answer the unjustly deleted Hava’s comment, no one has to agree with me. In fact, I can see why people mightn’t. But, for all the pages of inanity (and I do note them), there are some moments that, for me, sparkle. So I wade through, skimming to get to the gemlike moments. Also, since I’m well aware of the time these were written, I can appreciate how these would shine compared to many (but not all) contemporaries. I love Georgette Heyer as well, but she is also not for everyone.
You haven’t dug her up and beaten her with her shinbone though, have you?
(And I expect I would like to read the book you mentioned. I love snarky quotes.
Baron, I live to serve.
He had an excellent bit answering someone who complained that the woman he meant to marry married someone else and, since, as in attempted murder, the intent is as significant as the actual act, shouldn’t she be a bigamist? Twain answered by agreeing and not agreeing and ending that, if he continued in that vein, he could convince the questioner that he had never been born. Beautiful piece, that.
Oh, these are truly awesome quotes, not the usual boring ones you read everywhere. LOVE Dorothy Parker.
Great collections, Madame Quote-a-Thon. And the graphic beats out Bullwinkle any day.
I love Wikipedia and their public domain pictures. I figure I can always dredge up a picture of ONE of my quotees.
Lol, I’m so glad I found this blog, A Rocket Scientist that just doesn’t blog about rocket science, very cool. Most of my favorite quotes come from tv series like Star Trek and Star Trek The Next Generation, how sad is that,lol.
I collect many quotes from movies and the like. Only a few from old Star Trek (though, of course, I’m a fan of the original series, bad science notwithstanding).
Ahh, the good old days… when insults were suave.
Star Trek quotes, eh?
Tuvok: “Mr. Neelix, I would prefer not to hear the life history of my breakfast.”
I don’t know why, but those Vulcans crack me up.
My comments keep getting eaten. This is a test comment!
Gumby, I think my favorite quotes from “Star Trek” involve Bones:
“I’m a doctor not a bricklayer,” and the ilk.
Marilyn, for Today has the first comments of a new commenter moderated. Unfortunately, there’s no notification of this for the commenter so you are not the first one to be confused. I like the moderating tendency, but wish there was someway to notify the commenter.