Rocket Scientist

Since I tend spend the weekend fielding questions for “Ask the ________”, my Friday feature, it occurred to me that having a meaningful blog is sort of silly and distracting.  But what to do?

Well, I’m am quite the quote gatherer and it occurred to me that I could give the people who liked to check my blog out every single day something new to read without really detracting from the question answering (which is still going on - please do contribute a question to “Ask Madame Know-It-All ” as an ask article is pretty lame without some questions to answer).  So, every Saturday, I will serve up some gems from my stash of truly excellent quotations, perhaps in keeping with the Ask topic.  And, today, I came prepared with some of the all time greatest snotty quotes and comebacks.  By the way, on any of my quote-a-thon articles, feel free to contribute a classic if you think it works with the theme.  I love adding to my collection.

So, Snotty Quotes:

Lady Astor: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.
Churchill:  If I were married to you, I’d drink it.

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
-Dorothy Parker ( regarding Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged)

I wish I could drink like a lady,
I’ll have one or two at the most.
Three and I’m under the table,
Four and I’m under the host.
-Dorothy Parker

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
-Dorothy Parker

In those days he was wiser than he is now; he used to frequently take my advice.
-Winston Churchill

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
-Winston Churchill

Go on writing plays, my boy, One of these days one of these London producers will go into his office and say to his secretary, “Is there a play from Shaw this morning?” and when she says, “No,” he will say, “Well, then we’ll have to start on the rubbish.” And that’s your chance, my boy.
-George Bernard Shaw

I do not believe I could learn to like her except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
-Mark Twain

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass.
-Mark Twain

Jane Austen’s books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.
-Mark Twain [an opinion with which I disagree]

I haven’t any right to criticise books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Everytime I read ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
-Mark Twain

There is humor in Dod Grile, but for every laugh that is in his book there are five blushes, ten shudders & a vomit. The laugh is too expensive.
-Mark Twain

I believe that in India “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass doorknob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-Mark Twain [not mean, but funny]

Hopefully, that’s not formatted too badly.  I’m underwhelmed with the ability to cut/paste from MS Word.  And don’t forget to vote in my poll on the sidebar.  If you don’t see it, let me know, and I’ll let you vote outside the poll for who I’ll be in next week’s Ask incarnation!

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