Jan 02 2009
Friday - Ask Madame Know-It-All
And, now for a little lightheartedness. It’s time for Ask Madam Know-It-All!
I know, after a week of the deep thoughts of “Ask the Rocket Scientist” and the dire predictions of “Ask the Tarot Queen”, perhaps a little levity is in order. And even if it’s not, today I’m wearing my “Madame Know-It-All” hat and I think it is.
What is a Know-It-All? Well, sheesh, you know what a know-it-all is; it’s someone who believes they’re an authority on everything and can answer any question on any subject. Don’t be expecting a whole lot of citations and links on these answers, buddy, unless providing them looks like showing off and then I’ll put ‘em in.
You want history, well, I got it. And, if you’re looking for exact and accurate history, you’re in the wrong spot. You want psychology, man, I’m there for you. I can tell you your problems and their solutions in 200 words or less. It’s what I DO. Dr. Phil ain’t got nothin’ on me and I won’t charge you a dime. How about handy household tips? I’ve got them, though you’d best not use them on priceless heirlooms, if you get my meaning. Child-rearing, carpentry, horticulture, haute cuisine, I have got it covered and in spades.
A know-it-all, like myself, can tell you what you should do and how you should do it, what you’re doing wrong, what something is and what it means. Sort of like a teenager but with a better vocabulary and fewer hormones. There’s no experience you’ve ever had that a know-it-all can’t top. There’s no obscure question she can’t dredge up an answer to.
Think Cliff from Cheers (and if you’re too young to remember that show, I’ve got some extra snark for you) and let me have it. Damn, I love a challenge!
And don’t forget to vote so you get a say in who I am NEXT WEEK!
Your really lost me on this one, but I’m an english major– and therefore know absolutely everything:
“Well, sheesh, you know what a know-it-all is; it’s someone who believes their an authority on everything and can answer any question on any subject.”
Should read:
“Well, sheesh, you know what a know-it-all is; it’s someone who believes they’re an authority on everything and can answer any question on any subject.”
It’s a common mistake: their is possessive (as in their authority), but when used in this sentence, it should be “they’re (as in they are).
It’s past midnight. Why aren’t my children sleeping? Am I doing something wrong?
Where did my comment go?
Why is the time stamp 4:52 AM 01/04/09 for your last comment when it’s only 3:10 am 01/04/09… and WHY are we still up and posting at this hour??
It was only slightly past midnight here…
And I believe they’re supposed to go to sleep before me or something.
So if they’re both pretending successfully, how will I know which one should do the unpleasant task?