Rocket Scientist

Once more I cycle back to this topic.  I expect we’ll be hearing a lot of screaming and see a lot of hand waving the next year or so as Obama takes office with his cadre of science types.  There will likely be flack and fighting over space and education and a number of other intellectual/science/technology topics.  But the really ugly stuff I expect to see, however, is going to be on the topic of global warming.

I’m not going to go over the science here.  I know where to find it and I’ve found it compelling.  Here are some consensus reports and statements.  In all cases, although there is considerable variance in prediction of the level of human involvement and the timetable (and magnitude) of the consequences if no changes are made, the underlying statement is the same for all of these. The climate and/or environmental balance is changing and humans have helped cause it (largely because of their unchecked generation of CO2).
http://www.ipcc.ch/
http://www.interacademycouncil.net/CMS/Reports/11840.aspx
http://www.caets.org/nae/naecaets.nsf/(weblinks)/WSAN-78QL9A?OpenDocument
http://www.european-academy.at/memorandum/31._LET%27S_BE_HONEST_-_Festplenum_03.03.07_-_final2.pdf
http://www.nap.edu/openbook.php?record_id=10139
http://www.aaas.org/news/press_room/climate_change/mtg_200702/aaas_climate_statement.pdf
http://www.ametsoc.org/policy/climatechangeresearch_2003.html
http://www.rmets.org/news/detail.php?ID=332
http://www.amos.org.au/publications/cid/3/t/publications

There are additional references listed on Wikipedia’s article:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_opinion_on_climate_change

I give you these because they either build on or reference literally tons of data on and analysis of global changes.  I am not a climatologist and am not qualified to endorse or refute this data; I will say, however, I would have to have very compelling evidence, very compelling data, incontrovertible, before I would take it upon myself to deny the repeated and compelling consensus of such farflung and diverse scientific organizations.  I’m quite convinced myself, but, then I’m quite familiar with probabilistic models, big picture long range modeling and the dangers of looking at snapshots.  Do, please, take a look at the data, the reasoning, the research done over decades that led to these painful conclusions.  But I’m not going to argue them.  If you don’t find them compelling, nothing I tell you will change your mind.

But, to me, this issue is not about the data. It’s about why there is so much passionate resistance to this conclusion.  I will tell you, I don’t understand it.

OK, on one level, I can.  If one acknowledges blame, one faces responsibility.  And there has been a very capable PR campaign that has been whining at the top of their lungs that responsibility is “too expensive” and some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.  Given that the very spotty refutation of the global warming consensus is coming from this same campaign and that most people are ill-qualified to judge the original science, perhaps it would do us more good examine this assertion that trying to correct the problem is (a) an unreasonable burden and somehow unfair, and (b) that those promoting the notion of taking steps to curb CO2 production do so in their own self-interest.

As a science oriented individual, I can safely say that I don’t live my life thinking technology=bad.  I don’t believe most scientists do.  But what are we asking for with (a)?  In a nutshell, in order to reduce the problem and/or undo some of the damage already done, we are looking for drastic reductions in the next few decades in fossil fuel use, CO2 (and potentially other greenhouse gas) production through alternate fuels, more environmentally friendly practices, and energy conservation.

So, in order to meet these requirements, we need to use our limited energy resources more efficiently.  If I improve the energy efficiency of my home, my car, my habits, I not only help the environment, I save myself money.  What’s the down side?

Ditto for making energy production cleaner.  Who loses?  Increasing auto fuel efficiency? Who loses?  Anyone besides the utilities and fossil fuel industries?

If I put solar panels on my home, wind generators above my home, I may or may not make enough energy to cover my needs, but, worst case, I will use less energy than I would otherwise.  And, with no additional waste, no additional expenditure, I will continue to use less energy as long as there is wind and sun, effectively unending resources.  Except for the initial investment, it’s “free” whereas fossil fuels, while “cheaper” today, will always cost and, let’s face it, the cost will only go up.  Additionally, transitions will not be quick or instantaneous.  More research and time will probably be required to make the most of alternatives, to make them accessible to the masses; however, putting it off only makes the time when they’re viable that much further away, leaving the populace, for a much longer time, held hostage by the energy industry because of a lack of viable alternatives.  So, I ask, what’s the down side to this research, to promoting more along these lines?

For us, for those of us who are normal people, I can’t understand what the complaints are for, what the resistance is for.  I mean, refusing to take steps to change our habits, what’s our incentive to maintain the status quo?  All it can do is cost us more in the long run.  Potentially, a lot more.

And that brings me to (b).  A great deal has been made of the supposed advantages to scientists for promoting flawed science.  Um, OK, that’s a hell of an accusation. Proof?  See, for years, scientists put their careers on the line to take this stance (especially in this country).  Most scientists have nothing whatsoever to gain with their stances (same for me) even if the rest of the world backed them 100%.  And what they risk, if they are dishonest, is everything.  Whereas politicians, oil executives (and their paid shills) and corporate executives can be demonstrably dishonest and catastrophically wrong and still have careers, that is not true of scientists.  One deliberate falsehood, one horrific mistake, and they face retirement and disgrace.

So, if the scientists have nothing to gain, what can we say about their critics?  Well, who benefits with the status quo?  Not the general public.  In fact, no one really except those that make their money from the current energy systems and their support structures.  Perhaps, if we’re going to question motives, that might be a good place to look, including how many “primary experts” are paid by people who have a concerted interest in keeping us from finding alternate ways of powering our world.

Food for thought.

*P.S. For those who start to complain about Al Gore, believe me when I tell you, he isn’t the source of any of the science that the organizations cited depend upon.

Update:  While you’re busy being skeptical and looking into the motivations of the global warming skeptics, check out Frontline (which notes the ties to energy industries of several significant skeptics - as well as some with ties to tobacco where they pooh-poohed THOSE risks), a report on Exxon’s disinformation campaign (including many of the tobacco campaigns tactics and even same people) and exxonsecrets.org run by Greenpeace and showing links between Exxon and “independent” organizations and skeptics.  Realclimate.org is also an excellent resource for science answers for those seemingly reasonable criticisms proposed by global warming deniers.  Well worth checking out and doing your own thinking.  This affects you and people who have done nothing to contribute the problem as well.

I haven’t talked much about writing recently, largely because I’ve been doing a good bit of it, revising, actually, which is essential but nowhere near as fun as writing.  Meanwhile, like any other bibliophile, I’ve read a few books and it got me thinking about characterization.

I’ve said before (and I meant it) that characters are what draws me to a book and makes it rereadable.  The genre, setting, style and even plot play complete second fiddle to this ability to make characters come to life.  I also mentioned, using my beloved WALL-E as an example, that what brings an animated character to life on screen are the little mannerisms, the bits of easily overlooked humanity that breathe life into something lifeless.

This is no less true on paper.  And I thought I’d give you some examples.  I’m not going to even set these up because I think there’s a wealth of information available about these characters just from a few lines set deeply into a book.  See if you agree with me. 

The first is from a favorite of mine by Georgette Heyer, called These Old Shades.  I’m a huge Heyer fan and have collected many of her wonderful romances in hardback.  The fact that she died in 1974 and they are still reprinting her lighthearted sex-free romances (in hardback) should tell you something of their staying power and could even argue for their intelligence.  It didn’t hurt that they were also largely humorous.  I would also like to mention also my disgust with the covers on many of these historical works.  There were five covers to choose from on amazon.com and this was the only one that remotely seemed connected to the story.  Not one other one was of the right time period (two set in Regency times, one colonial and one - what?  Georgette Heyer was meticulous in her setting of the time) or reflected a scene (or character) from the book.

    “Nothing at all alarming, I assure you.  Dry your tears.”
Léon hunted through his various pockets.
“I–I have lost my handkerchief,” he apologized.
“Yes, you are very young, are you not?” commented his Grace.  “I suppose I must give you mine.”
Léon took the fine lace handkerchief which the Duke held out, wiped his eyes, blew his nose, and gave it back again.  The Duke received it gingerly, and eyed the crumpled ball through his quizzing glass.
“Thank you,” he said.  “You are nothing if not thorough.  I think you had better keep it now.”
Léon pocketed it cheerfully.
“Yes, Monseigneur,” he said.  “Now I am happy again.”

Would it surprise you to know that Léon, here the Grace’s page, was really a girl pretending to be a boy (once a common element of these types of romances but no longer in favor)?  And that she’s a love interest much younger than the Duke?  And mercurial of temper?  We have also learned about his Grace’s dry humor and imperious manner as well as his soft spot for a certain page…

Then there is Plan B by Sharon Lee and Steve Miller, this excerpt is not only from the middle of the book, but a book fourth (or sixth) in a series of 5-9 (depending on your point of view).  I cannot recommend the Liaden series too highly.

    As he came even with the situation board, jin’Bardi abruptly spun.  “I want my knife back.”
Nelirikk stopped.  “If the captain pleases,” he coached, “may I have my weapon.”
Miri stopped, feeling the weight of the thing in her hand, and something tickling on the edge of her mind.  The balance was good…
“You want this?” she snapped.
“Yes,” jin’Bardi snapped back and that quick the knife reversed itself and she threw.
The knife tumbled in the air, traveling fast, much too fast for jin’Bardi to have time to move.  The blade passed so close to his cheek it seemed to glide over the skin, then buried itself deep in the situation board, a lock of his hair pinned tight.
“Say ‘thank you, Captain,’” Nelirikk directed into the absolute stillness that followed the knife’s thunk, “‘for returning my weapon.’”
jin’Bardi licked his lips.  “Thank you, Captain,” he said faintly, “for returning my weapon.”

Nelirikk is the bone of contention, untrusted because he’s a recruit from “the enemy,” yet in a very short scene we have not only added immeasurably to Captain Miri’s kick-ass factor, we have justified her defense of Nelirikk, contrasted the lack of discipline between Nelirikk and jin’Bardi and, quite possibly, laughed in the bargain.  It should surprise no one that humor is a fine way to make a character seem real.

And now, from my latest nearly completed novel, Beast Within:

        She stood, moving something around in her cheek, and came forward, embracing his muzzle against her full breast.  Tears slipped down her brown cheek and stained small spots on her borrowed shirt.  “You would give up your family for me?”
I would give up my family for doing what is right.  My fondness for you is just a bonus.  Almost, Xander laughed.
She smiled, tears glistening, before she stepped back, spitting a green-black paste onto her fingertips.  “Here, taste this.”
Xander stared at the paste for maybe 30 seconds, than back into her face.  You’re not serious.
“Trust me.”

I know I’m dabbling here, in the company of masters, but it was important to me that the reaction seem natural, that the trust, however deep, not make someone into something they’re not.  Xander, though mature, is a teenage boy (who can transform into a dragon).  I wanted him to seem real.  Did I manage it?

Update:  I don’t know how to convince my post editor to put in indents on my paragraphs.  I welcome any insight

Bob Johnson of Black Holes and Astrostuff asked me a question about solar sails on my “Ask the Rocket Scientist” post .  As I answered him, it kind of pushed me to reminisce about the solar sail that never was.  I thought some of you (or at least one of you) might be interested in the one I helped design.

See, back a billion years ago when I was going to college (1989), I took several high level aeronautics courses for my required high level engineering courses.  Since most Engineering Physics student go the Electrical Engineering Emphasis route (which I detested), it turns out I missed some prerequisite courses no one ever brought to my attention, until, of course, it was too late.  Therefore, as they classes were advanced design, I was at a serious disadvantage.  At the end of my senior year, we had the choice of designing a fighter aircraft or designing a solar sail for an AIAA contest.  I went with solar sail for two reasons.  First, my lack of aircraft designing experience wasn’t a factor; we were all starting from scratch.  Secondly, I thought this was way cooler.

It was a design team and there were five of us.  Since some of us were graduating before the deadline (Summer 1989), one of those who were not volunteered to be leader.  We separated into five responsibilities: I would do research on solar sails, design the general overall design and do materials (I can’t remember if I was assigned the second part or if it just worked out that way), someone would do navigation, someone would design the payload, someone would design the control scheme and someone (the leader) would put it all together.

Finding out about solar sails was great fun.  I loved the research, and, as soon as I’d read that the circular ones were the most efficient (but no one had figured out how to deploy them), I became convinced we needed a circular one.  But how to deploy?  Now, in the world of solar sails, you either spin it (circular or heliogyro) or you build a frame.  So, what I thought would be best is to fold it up like an umbrella - not wrapped around a pole, but flat along radians.  Then, the flat side is rolled around a kick motor (required to bump it up beyond low earth orbit and the residual atmosphere) before unfurling.  But the unfurling was my brainstorm: put a rim of flexible material around the surface and inflate it.

But control of a spinning sail is not without its headaches and you need a way of controlling attitude (heliogyro ones change the pitch of the particular blades–JPL’s proposed rendezvous craft was planned as a bladed solar sail).  So, since I was in charge of materials, I found a polymer that would harden when exposed to radiation (already being used for space applications).  The advantage to using this was that, if the inflating gas leaked away after inflation, it wouldn’t matter after six hours.  Additionally, since this provided a lightweight frame as well as a way of deploying the sail, we didn’t have to spin it.  The control guy took off with that and we used the payload on four guy wires attached to the rim to control it by changing the center of gravity.  I designed the sail out of 2 mil (50.8 micrometer) thick mylar with a 0.2 mil (5.08 micrometer) layer of aluminum.  Kevlar cable (their thinnest filament) was used as ripstop along with the glue applied concentrically and along the radial seams.  Rip-stopping was vital because Mylar tears like nothing when punctured and micrometeoroids (and, though I didn’t know it at the time, orbital debris) was a serious concern.

Our payload guy was going to wrap the payload in gold foil and we were going to call the beauty “The Heart of Gold” which was both fun and cool (and if you don’t know why, you need to read Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy).  Another of the graduating team members (and, interestingly enough, the only other female) did the navigation and she and I completed extensive write ups before we graduated (out of necessity).  I provided our leader with some 34 pages of tightly written text, well within the confines of the requirements and our navigator wrote in detail, very clearly with excellent graphics.  And we didn’t see it again until after it had been submitted.

We didn’t win.

We shouldn’t have.

I don’t know if we had the best concept, but, if we had, we still didn’t deserve the prize.  After our graduation, our “leader” changed the name to “The Golden Hind” for reasons I never understood or agreed with.  Most of my text had been axed and what was left no longer made sense.  He had “simplified” much of it so that it was not only unclear but, in many places, um, wrong.  The navigation graphics were replaced with a cartoon that, literally, showed the Earth at the center of the solar system. *Sigh*

To this day, there are few things I hate professionally more than leaving a project (still with my name on it) halfway.  It happens, but I hate it.  But it’s never been as bad as that in all the years since, so at least that’s something.

So, I have this friend.  I’ll call him J.  I mentioned him once on JD’s blog for eating a scorpion on effectively a dare, but I told her he really deserved his own blog.  J is a remarkable person.

Not just because he’s a good person, though he is.  He’s been a big force behind Special Olympics for decades.  He takes care of disabled cats.  He is thoughtful and ever courteous.

Not just because he is more than meets the eye.  I have to admit, when I first met this individual, it was easy to confuse him the standard NASA engineer type with an eye on politics, something I’m not.  Not that I ever saw him compromise his integrity, but he seemed like the kind of guy that got along with everyone.  And, truthfully, last I heard, he still was.  But he was remarkable underneath.

There are several interesting stories I learned about this fellow I never saw.  When I knew him, he’d had a kidney transplant because of an odd anomaly that also cut short his military career after they had paid his way through college in the ROTC.  He had had a fiancee die some two weeks before the wedding due to a drunk driver and told me he remembered that the fine was $200 for the vehicular homicide.  He remembered exactly because it was half the fine he was given himself when he began to shout at the judge for letting the driver off so easily.  He also took his story door to door when the judge was up for reelection.  The judge lost by a handful of votes.  That is J.

And so is this story, pure J.  See, J was out wandering in the “wild” around the area we live in and came up on a turtle with a cracked shell.  Now, I love animals, but I think I speak for the majority in that I would have thought, “Poor turtle,” and walked on.  Not J.  Deducing that the turtle would be at risk in the wild, he took it home and, finding a turtle expert among the veterinarian choices, found out several things.  First, the cracked shell was a death knell and, secondly, the turtles mate for life.  No, I didn’t know that either.

Following the expert’s advice, J returned to the area and picked up another turtle that looked vaguely like the first to see if it was a severed mate.  But they didn’t care for each other.  So, he took that one back and found another one.  This one, apparently, was willing to become a mate if they had not been so in the beginning.

My friend was telling me this story, in a very matter of fact way, after a chance comment.  I expect I looked stunned.  But that was not all.

J then worked with the turtle expert in devising a replacement shell made of fiberglass.  Using fishing weights, J worked out the balance of the shell in the bathtub and then, in an operation I didn’t realize was possible, removed the turtle’s natural cracked shell and replaced it with the artificial one.  I did not realize that turtles could survive such an operation and was well able to believe an deshelled turtle is a sad looking creature.  J then double checked the shell’s function and balance on the turtle over several days, including more bathtub runs.  And painted the fiberglass shell from its original white to more environmentally neutral camouflage.  He was planning, he explained to my stunned self, to release his turtle and its mate back “into the wild” within the next few days.

Perhaps, there are some reading this consider this story commonplace.  Well, I did not.  “I can’t believe you did so much for wild turtle.”

“Oh, no,” he decried.  “Anyone would have done as much.”  I often wonder, thinking back, if it were his honesty that made him so very very special indeed.

“No, J,” I told him.  “You’re something special.”

So, what do you want to know?

Well, wait, perhaps I should tell you a little about who/what I am and am not.  For more information, check out my blog from Wednesday, my Rocket Scientist primer.  And remind you that I will only be sporadically available this weekend, but I will answer all questions…eventually :)  And note that the space images can be found at the fabulous NASA image archive (click for full effect because these are great images), well worth the trip.

In 1989, I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Engineering Physics.  Before the ink had quite dried, I was working here at Johnson Space Center.  In the intervening 19.5 years, I have worked as a facility electrical engineer on thermal and/or vacuum chambers, been a calibration engineer, been communications engineer, been an integration engineer, been a safety engineer for flight ops and, then, EVA (extravehicular activity), and I’m now a senior project engineer.

I have worked in robotics, software, human rated chambers, data handling systems, biotechnology, flight ops (I have a Mission Evaluation Room console certification - the MER is a support room for flight control), and EVA.  I have been a member of the Space Shuttle Safety Review Panel and the Payload Safety Review Panel in the past.  I was involved in the EVA for a number of flights, including the last two Hubble Space Telescope Servicing Missions and, sadly, STS-107 (Columbia’s  last flight).

I’m not an expert electrical engineer, aerospace engineer, mechanical engineer.  If you want a circuit or thermal conditioning system designed, I’m not your gal.  (Yes, I’m female).  But, if you need someone to make sure a complex multisystem works together, you need someone like me.  If you want someone to review a complex design and look for what’s wrong, I’m your gal.  If you need someone to evaluate hardware or procedures for areas that could put people at risk, I’m your gal.  If you need someone to become knowledgeable on a topic on the fly, I’m your gal.  I love to learn and I always bring a unique perspective to what I do.  And, yes, I’m arrogant because I know exactly what I can and can’t do.

I don’t do politics, so, if your questions are political, I am probably not the right one to ask.  I have a number of past blogs also that describe my view on manned vs. unmanned flight, reflections on the Hubble Space Telescope and a number of other space related and science related topics.  Feel free to browse.

Having said all that, I encourage, even urge you to do your own research, question my answers and my opinions, find out more.  In the MER, there is a motto: “In God we trust.  All others bring data.”  Do feel free to question mine.  As anyone who loves science, I’m all for anyone learning as much as possible.  So, who’s first?

So this week’s thievery, where I pirate my own comments from someone else’s blog/thread comes from The Junk Drawer , specifically “Weirdest Trip Momento I’ve Ever Saved .”  In this thread, I mention the fact that I’m not a traveler and, seriously, not a junk collector.  I know gangs of people who collect this or that chotchkis (and I love when they do; I always know what to give them).  I don’t.  Oh, I favor faerie and dragon stuff, but I don’t collect stuff.  I’m the kind of terrible mom that doesn’t save every scrap of her kids stuff or snips or hair or a jillion photographs (Thank Heavens for my aunt Sue and digital storage!).  When my kids grow up, we won’t be able to reminisce over their baby books, which will be desperately incomplete or nonexistent because I was living with them.  I own books and maybe a box full of sentimental whatnot.  I’m not sentimental about the physical book, which is good because I just got an eReader and I plan to use that puppy.

Of course, you’d never know it to wander through my house.  My house is wall to wall junk, but it’s mostly “functional” junk, which, by the way, costs more than the nonfunctional kind but is, really, just as useful.  It’s furniture that would be better to discard than take with us when we move last.  It’s furniture we should have done that to last move, including the world’s most comfortable chair that desperately needs to be reupholstered before Alex starts eating the stuffing and an extremely heavy loveseat with no legs and no sleeper.  And, naturally, we’re up to our eyeballs in electronic this and that.

The other part of the question, though, involves my complete and utter disinterest in traveling.  In the past six years, I have been to (a) the Noordvick and Amsterdam in the Netherlands, Nice France and Rome Italy, all for work. I have also been to Pasadena, Chicago and San Francisco.  In all cases, the places were charming and people friendly. The places were beautiful and, since I was there for conferences, we always had dinner somewhere spectacular.  Srsly.

And I couldn’t wait to get home.  I hated sleeping somewhere other than my own bed.  I missed my electronics that worked like I was used to.  I missed being able to drive myself (without being scared witless as I was as a PASSENGER in Italy.  I have a new appreciation for Houston traffic.)  I miss knowing the places to eat that are good and cost effective and knowing where I am.  Sometimes, I missed food that was familiar.  I hate the feeling of being somewhere where one false step can get me stranded.  I hate being at the mercy of the airlines.  I’ve never been afraid, like of criminals or physical danger (though I did almost get myself killed by falling stepping off a curb in Italy.  If I had been ½ meter forward or there hadn’t been parked cars, I probably wouldn’t be here).

But, most of all, this is where my family is.  When I’m elsewhere, and they’re here, I hate it.  I don’t mind having an hour or two to myself once in a while, but not days.  I don’t want to sleep by myself and I don’t want someone else to give my baby her night time bottle.  I want to read Alex’ school folder and pick my daughter up from school.

So, now you know.  When it comes to travel, I just don’t have the gene.

So, come Friday, I’ll be fielding questions as the “Rocket Scientist.”  Given the nature of my job, there are some rules and some caveats, more for me than you who will be asking the questions, but I’m going to explain them so there’s no confusion.

I work for a not for profit company that does a lot of independent reviews.  I have a secret clearance and I have some responsibilities to that company and to NASA that can’t be compromised.  Although I have considerable experience and a diverse background in space stuff, I won’t know everything.  So, here’s what you can expect.

1) Although I have a secret clearance, I don’t know anything secret.  However, I also cannot divulge anything that is sensitive but unclassified, which includes a substantial portion of current programs.  This is not meanness on my part; it is required for my job.  As much as I appreciate the notion of openness for taxpayers footing the bill (and I hope they will eventually be able to see the data), I can also see the risks to showing a snapshot of incomplete designs and sending them out into the world.  However, even if I didn’t agree with it, I still am bound to that responsibility.  If I can’t answer, I will say so.

2) I cannot provide any information that is considered national security or propriety in answer to questions.  There is a strict requirement for export control and I can’t compromise it.  Again, though I’m staunchly for international cooperation in space endeavors, this information is not mine to provide and it is illegal for me to provide it on the internet.

3) Because of (1) and (2), I will be looking to public sources (often on the internet) to bolster my answers, both to demonstrate that the information I’m imparting is publicly available and because, hey, I don’t know everything.  One reason I’ve been pretty successful as a rocket scientist/jack-of-all-trades has been because I don’t try to know everything, just where to find it.

4) You can ask my opinion on stuff.  Unless I’m deeply involved with a particular review that would be compromised if I spouted off (unlikely but it can happen), I don’t have a restriction per se on that and I’m plenty opinionated.  However, I will not provide said opinion unless I’m confident I have a reasonable basis for it.  For instance, if you ask me what I think of the Constellation program (the Exploration program in other words), I won’t tell you.  Why?  Although I have several opinions, I have also only been involved in bits and pieces at various levels of development and don’t have a firm grasp of the whole.  Providing an opinion in such a circumstance is premature and irresponsible.  However, if you asked me what I think an exploration program should have, directions they should pursue, aspects of human spaceflight that I think are important, I can talk your ear off.  Again, if there’s something I don’t feel I can tell you, I’ll explain why.

5) I don’t really expect these to make the session untenable.  In fact, in all the times, I’ve given talks and presentations or hosted a Q&A session, I’ve never once had to keep my mouth shut for reasons 1, 2 or 4.  Truth is, there is a great deal of NASA information out there.  Details on Columbia and Challenger accidents are publicly available and very very detailed.  NASA science is well documented and generally openly available and details on human spaceflight are also generally open book.

6) You might very well see Wikipedia come up.  There are three, in my opinion, very good reasons for this.  One, Wikipedia clearly has some extensive NASA contacts keeping the data up to date.  I’m often impressed with the depth and detail.  Two, it almost always provides a good list of references that are linkable, so, if you want to evaluate the validity of the data, you can go to the source.  That reason alone makes it a good stepping stone to learn more.  And, thirdly, it generally does an excellent job of putting even complex topics into layman’s terms.  But, as I mentioned, there are many other excellent sources of data out there, including NASA itself.

7) I am also a professional member of the International Association for the Advancement of Space Safety.  This is, in my opinion, an excellent resource of space and safety related data and I might very well refer to some of their resources before I’m done.  Also, I’ve written five papers for various IAASS conferences that have all been blessed for export control so I can talk about those topics: EVA on other planets, tin whiskers, micrometeroids and orbital debris, SI units, and the limitations of models and analyses.  Just in case you wanted to get the ball rolling.

I am not an astronomer or an astrophysicist.  I will try to find the information you’re asking for, but I make no promises on having it already.

9) I will be out of town from Saturday morning to Sunday evening.  Because of that, I may not answer questions in a timely manner after Saturday.  THEY WILL BE ANSWERED, EACH AND EVERY ONE.  I’m just not sure when.

10) (for flit)  Have fun!  This is your opportunity to ask questions.

Some sample questions for those wondering what to ask and what might be helpful.

How does being in orbit keep objects “up”?
Why can’t the Shuttle stop off at the ISS after servicing the Hubble Space Telescope?
Why is the ISS at such a high inclination?
What does geostationary orbit mean and why it is a popular place for satellites?
What can you tell me about the Apollo missions?
Did we really land on the moon?  (I will try to be patient with such nonsense).
What are the hazards for space travel?
What will we need to worry about for going back to the moon and Mars?
Should we have a manned space program or should we stick to robots?

And, on Friday, it will be your chance to pick my brains.  Got any question yet?

By the way, there were two fine editorials on human spaceflight in the NYT Times today: Earthstruck and Not-So-Lonely Planet .  Fine reading and food for thought.

A number of different things came together today to make today’s blog.  First, I sent this poem to a friend for Christmas and she really liked it (Hi, JD !).  Secondly, my sister mentioned in her blog that she recommended doing something new.  Well, this was one of my best examples.  Also, it fits in as a Holiday offering.

See, I’m a Heinlein fan.  Although not my favorite, Stranger in a Strange Land is still a fine book and I remember reading once about a story Jubal Harshaw was writing:

Anne, I’ve got a sick-making one.  It’s about a little kitten that wanders into a church on Christmas Eve to get warm.  Besides being starved and frozen and lost, the kitten has–God knows why–an injured paw.  All right; start: “Snow had been falling since–”

“What pen name?”

“Mmm…use ‘Molly Wadsworth’; this one is pretty icky.  Title it The Other Manger…”

Now, I’m not really “Christian” (although I have a profound respect and admiration for the individual Christ, I neither know nor care if he were divine and I’m less than thrilled with many of his devotees).  I usually describe myself as Pagan Shinto Buddhist with Christian tendencies.  I’m completely cool with any religion someone wants to have as long as they don’t hurt anyone else.

So, though I wrote a good bit of poetry back then, the subject matter was considerably different for me.  I challenged myself to write a poem living up to all the parameters described, including the start.  This is what I came up with.  (Please note, in 1987 or 1988, this was published in a Catholic journal; my roommate sent it in without telling me).

The Other Manger

Snow had been falling since the middle of November,
But now it was a blizzard for the end of cold December.
People scurried through the snow with bags of Christmas cheer
While others sat in humid bars with mugs of Christmas beer.
Every person had a someplace they could go this Christmas Eve;
Warm and cozy, every person felt the holiday reprieve.

The chapel doors were firmly locked by Father Kevin’s hands,
Who hurried home to sing about three kings from foreign lands,
Yet, through the drafty chapel wall, between two fallen stones,
A tiny kitten peeked its head, then stretched its weary bones.
It dragged across the chilly floor, its movements pained and slow,
But thankful for the respite from the frozen wind and snow.

It’s mottled coat was matted, frozen stiff or dripping wet,
And the kitten’s ribs were showing, poor neglected little pet!
Its hunger was the driving force for many a day and night
But cold had forced the kitten in, enticed by candlelight.
Lost and homeless, cold and starving, limping on three feet,
The kitten wandered in and curled upon a wooden seat.

In the middle of the night, the cat woke with a start
And felt a certain burning in its frozen friendless heart.
“Come, my friend.”  It heard a voice and slowly looked around
And saw a blaze of lights inside this haven it had found.
“Come, my friend,” the warm voice coaxed.  “You do not rest alone;
You have wandered in and I bid welcome to my home.”

A radiant Man stood by its bench and reached a gentle hand.
“Come and feel my healing, poor mistreated little friend.”
Then He picked the kitten up and held it to His breast.
“Friend, if you feel weary, then, with Me, feel free to rest.
I’ll be there to protect you from the storm and other harm.
Now, just cuddle closer; let Me show you love is warm.”

So, the kitten snuggled in its shelter from the cold
And a warming flooded through it as its hunger grew less bold.
Soothing, and more soothing, it was whispered back to sleep,
But its sleep, at last, was comfort as it slumbered, long and deep.
Its hunger softly vanished and its foot felt no more pain.
It purred within its slumber as He stroked the fur again. . .

In the morning, Father Kevin opened up the chapel doors,
And the neighbor’s son, Roberto, ran across the icy floors.
Today, he wished to be the first to see the blessed King,
And he looked into the manger, brown eyes huge and wondering.
A kitten, maybe sleeping, snuggled in the Savior’s light
For the tiny soul had come to him in the cold and frigid night.

So, whatever your holiday of choice (including none at all), have a good one!  This poem’s for whoever wants to read it.

From the Dragon Clan
Roxy
Alex
Stephie
Lee and myself

I’ve touched on the subject of orbital debris in a previous blog , but it’s such a significant issue for near earth space, it deserves more attention. I was reminded by reading this article on spacedaily.com (have I mentioned this site is essential for any true space geek?).  They were talking about how launchspace was fielding a hundred or so ideas and suggestions for cleaning our self-made deleterious detritus from orbit.  Not surprisingly, Launchspace said, gently, that:

Many of these are simply not realistic for reasons ranging from violation of physical principles to excessive collateral damage. Of course, many are just too costly when compared to other approaches.

That is putting it mildly.  Not that I want to discard any idea out of hand (nor, clearly, does Launchspace), but the parameters of this problem are very hard to envision and then address, even by space professionals (unless they’re experts in this particular subject).

For instance, ideas that involve using light or projectiles to shoot debris out of the sky is desperately impractical (sorry). First of all, it’s limited to stuff we can see, the large trackable debris.  That’s not bad, of course, since every large item that could be removed from orbit represents secondary debris that will not be created.  But, in order to shoot a beam of light or a projectile to impact, you have to be very confident of where and item is.  Although really large items are tracked pretty closely, a huge percentage of this debris may have an uncertainty of location of ~2-5 km.  When one is thinking of a debris item going 8 km/s (or more - think ~10X faster than a rifle bullet) that kind of error makes taking out the debris very iffy.  And, hitting it with laser light or projectiles don’t necessarily take it neatly from orbit; in fact, it is more likely to break into many smaller (and largely untrackable) pieces, thereby greatly increasing the risk for spacecraft which can be sensitive to impactors as small as 1mm in diameter.  (1mm is a very small particle, ~grain of sand).  Think the Chinese ASAT nightmare.

Ideally, the best way to remove the large debris, like defunct spacecraft, would be to tell it to deorbit itself.  Unfortunately, generally only new spacecraft are provided with that capability (and not all of those).  Older stuff must decay on it’s own or we have to send something up to deorbit it or retrieve it (as LDEF was retrieved by the Space Shuttle). I’m sure most of you can realize how incredibly costly and complex it would be to try to send something, say robotic, up today to get each and every one of these 10,000 items, and it not only has the same issue as trying to shoot it out of the sky (rendezvous also requires knowing exactly where something is), but potential complications can actually add to the debris if something fails or goes wrong, like accidently hitting the target or missing and adding the robotic servicer to the list of debris.

And it doesn’t address the real risk and the portion that really provides the big risk - the many many small debris particles that currently populate several popular orbits.  Ideas to clean it by sending up flat plates of absorbent materials to collect the debris, as with aerogel, suffer from the huge volume of space to “clean” and the fact that impacting a plate creates debris of its own, making the efficacy of such a system questionable.

But, hey, there are likely dozens of other ideas out there that might have potential.  Just remember that we’re not talking about a situation like the Millenium Falcon faced in the asteroid field.  Unless you’re in nearly the same orbit, you don’t see this coming; it’s too fast.  And too small.  And, if it was easy to fix, we’d be doing it now.

More resources:

Don Kessler’s publications
NASA’s Orbital Debris office
Orbital Debris Quarterly
ESA’s ESOC

One thing I rarely do is look at the search terms, but a good friend, David Rochester , does, and quite frequently, perhaps because his search terms are so odd.  So, I looked.  Mine are considerably more mundane, including several with the term “metrics” in it and one about milk turning sour (???) and, last but not least, “Gifts for the Rocket Scientist.”

Now, I had to admit, that was not a search term I expected to see.  Is this a common problem?  True, my husband has it, but I’m an atypical Rocket Scientist by many measures, not the least of which is my antipathy toward explosives.  To be frank, I sometimes wonder about my qualifications if only because I didn’t spend my youth (or what I call my youth) playing with things that blow up.  Post, 9-11 and the Oklahoma City bombing, of course, fertilizer bombs are very much frowned on, but they were still quite common even 20 years ago, when many of my colleagues were young.  A friend of mine received a large one for his 15th birthday and he took great delight in turning this perfect gift into a crater.  But even those without useful bomb-giving cousins played with firecrackers and gunpowder and primacord and liquid fuels for rockets.

I have no idea why.  Bombs are nasty and destructive and noisy.  However, if you have a Rocket Scientist on your gift list, now you know: give him something that blows up or something that flies up like toy rockets.  Rocket Scientists that I know live for that sort of thing.

But don’t get me anything like that.  My husband, who is required to frequently come up with gifts for his own personal Rocket Scientist, is giving me something I desperately covet: The Sony eReader.  See, I love to read and my house is filled with books.  I’m also perfectly comfortable reading from a screen instead of a page.  The thought of having something compact to hold, say, a week or two worth of reading material, of being able to pull up a book without searching my disorganized shelves for it, thrills me no end.  So, now you know.  If you were planning to get me the Sony eReader (or the Kindle) for Christmas, there’s no need.  I’m good.

Of course, if you want to get me a little keychain from I Do Things for me, that would work too..

It’s time for my mystery hero of the week (which crops up at random times).  Today, it’s FLIT of flitting on fiction , flitting and Back to School for Grown Ups .  Why?  Well, this time, it’s not a mystery.  Not because flit wasn’t helping me overcome one of my own shortcomings (she was), but because this isn’t quite too embarrassing to describe.  Because of my graphic duncedness, she built the banner for my husband’s new blog, Dragon at Play , and unstintingly helps me with graphics and all those little computer this’ and thats that a Rocket Scientist really ought to know but this one doesn’t.  Kudos, also, to CC Miranda of Artrat for painting the picture on the banner (anniversary commission).

As always, this award carries no requirements or obligations.  It’s just a thank you from this little blogger for someone who comes to her rescue with no fanfare and no complaints.  You are among the best.  It didn’t hurt that you plugged my blog today, either.

By the way, the Tarot Queen will be on duty until she goes to bed tomorrow night (except for some sleeping presumably tonight), so get your questions in.

And, thanks, flit.

And the winner is “Ask the Tarot Queen”! (’Cause I can count real good up to, like, uh, ten.)  Rocket Scientist put up a good fight, there, mind you, and I’ll be doing that next week, so save up your good science or rocketry or anything else you want to ask me.  I’ll be fielding them the end of next week.

Yes, I’m making this a regular feature.  I love doing these. OK, here’s how the “Ask the …” work in general.  You, the reader/commenter pose questions and I answer them to the best of my abilities.  I can be anyone.  I can be any one of the facets of myself: rocket scientist, researcher, mother, character in one of my novels and/or short stories.  Or I can channel one of my children or another perspective I think might be interesting to ask questions of.  Mostly, it will depend on my mood.  Sometimes, it will be funny.  Sometimes, it will be serious and factual.  I gotta lot of facets so no one knows what they’ll get.  Every once in a while, I might ask for input again for the kind of “Ask the …” article you’d like to see.

Now, when it comes to tarot, I make no claims to psychic powers.  I’m not precognitive.  That, in several instances the cards seemed to be precognitive, I can take no credit for.  I taught myself tarot as research for some short stories (which are part of a series I haven’t completed.  You can read three that I have finished here on my website .)    However, when I do readings, I try to answer the question posed as well as I can.  I use “Tarot of the Cat People” cards but I have researched and found my own list of meanings from several different sources.

Now, some rules I have for me.  I will always tell you the “truth,” i.e. what I’m reading in the cards.  Good news or bad, I’ll tell you “what they say.”  So be prepared.

Also, for your own good, it’s best to avoid yes/no questions and to ask a question.  I can do general readings, but, unfortunately, the more general the reading, the harder it is to determine what aspects of one’s life the cards are describing.  They can readily point out a particular small event, aspect, or person, or they can be all encompassing.  No way to know for sure.

So, I’ve got my cards handy and I’m ready for questions.  Here’s your chance for a free reading from The Tarot Queen.

(Don’t forget to think up cool questions for the Rocket Scientist next week).  I’m up for it.  Ask kids you know if you don’t know any good questions…

This is the I-don’t-know-how-many-times time I’ve stolen and expanded on a comment I’ve made at another blog blog.  Given that I seem to be making a habit of this, I’ve decided to make stealing and expanding on a comment I’ve made on another blog a regular feature, every Thursday.  And today’s blog is inspired by my comment on JD’s wonderful blog, I Do Things (because JD is a genius for inspiring stealable comments).  Ironically, this particularly blog was taken from a comment made on The Junk Drawer so you can see I’m finally setting trends now that I totter on the edge of senility.  Kudos, by the way, for Wit’s Bitch (close runner up) where I almost, instead, explained how I was a Sex Goddess so Chat Blanc didn’t have to be, but very few people would have bought it since I also claim to be a scientist.  Given our reputations, no words I included would have convinced someone; for that, I would have needed video.

The question was, actually, if you’d ever done a major sick fake to psych out your parents.  Well, I’m pathetic; I’ve never done anything like that.  See, I think I was born at the age of 27.  Don’t believe me?  Let me tell you how pathetic at being young I was.  I never faked an illness, but I faked a wellness so I could go to school. I never lied to get out of anything. If I failed to do something I was supposed to, it was because I was prematurely senile, starting at the age of four, not because I outsmarted anyone.  I did bitch about doing stuff, but my mom knew I’d do it anyway.  Anything that needed being done could be left to me, ’cause, like it or not, it never occurred to me not to do it.

I remember the time I had stomach flu. I woke up in the middle of the night, wondering why I woke up, then threw up. Oh, that’s why. Did I go get someone and demand attention? No, I didn’t want anyone know, so I cleaned it up. In the dark.  With a fever of 104. I’ll spare you the details (it wasn’t pretty, or so I would think) and I was thorough.  I even soaked the contaminated throw pillow in rubbing alcohol to kill the smell. Then, I went downstairs to wait until it was late enough to let my parents know I was sick. (And, no, as an adult I don’t understand the logic in hiding the fact I threw up in bed, but telling my parents I was sick.)  I thought I waited until 5 am, but it was 3 (I had a fever remember). I was almost relieved to be sick; I’d made my sister laugh the night before and she’d thrown up.  I’d gone to bed feeling guilty for being the cause.  Whew, it was contagious.

I should also note that I almost never throw up.  I mean, as of today, it has been twenty four years (with five pregnancies in that time frame) since I’ve thrown up.  I figure, if I get sick enough to puke today, someone should probably call an ambulance because I probably belong in a hospital.  So, chances are I was pretty sick then, too.

I never did tell them I threw up in bed. Until now if they happen to be reading this.

Actually, being sick in my family was no fun. I had six younger brothers and sisters and someone was always sicker than I was. I did a lot of fending for myself.

When I got chicken pox (after my sister did and during the summer of course), my other sister and brother got it at the same time.  One of them had it really bad.  So, I was on my own.  The itching was horrible, worse than pain.  So, after I’d had “enough,” I decided I had to cure this.  That’s the way my mind worked.  Nothing kills germs like rubbing alcohol so, in my infinite wisdom (and in my state of being left alone), I poured rubbing alcohol all down my back covered with open sores.

Do take a moment to appreciate how wonderful that must have felt.  Think blow torch applied right after liquid nitrogen.  Anyway, since I had a “theory” at the time (you do realize I’m a kid, right, maybe 10, 11 years old?) that any injury contained a finite amount of pain (OK, so I was stupid), I took this as a sign of success.  I didn’t even scream.

God, what a geek I am.

Yep, JD fakes a concussion to get a whole lotta lovin’.  Me, I torment myself quietly and don’t even ask for sympathy for real hurts.  Ain’t hard to figure out which one of us is the real genius, is it?  Good thing it never occurred to me to fake (or have) a concussion.  My parents would have completely bought it but would have put me in a dark room to either sleep it off or die in a nice convenient way.

Now you know why I take my children’s childhood so seriously, why I so want to make sure they get to be kids.  I’m not really sorry about how I turned out, seriously.  But I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone the someones I love most.

So, if your kid does something boneheaded for attention, hey, give ‘em a little.  At least they’re still kids and, all too soon, they won’t be any more.  Every day, they look out into their future and, all too soon, they’re out there.

C’mon, I’m not the only one who finds that a little sad.  (And yes, I shamelessly reused this picture because I loved it.  It makes me misty every time I see it.  Hey, it’ Thursday’s Thievery!)

So, today we’re voting?  Why?  Well, I have a burning question.

I like to do things like my Ask Alex post of last week.  I’ve decided to make an Ask XXXX article a Friday staple.  The thing is, I don’t know whether it’s my sciency side that people love most or my avant garde, hip, edgy side that people find appealing.  ‘Cause it makes a difference which Ask article I debut on Friday.

Should it be, Ask the Rocket Scientist?  Where you, your kids, your friends, anyone who wants to, can ask those pressing questions you’ve always wanted to ask a rocket scientist.  You can ask about science, education, women in science, the space program, or whatever else interests you and I will do my damndest to give you a good answer, and, at the least, a truthful one, even if it’s “I don’t know.”  Every question will get an answer though I ask you keep it clean in case someone has questions from their kids.

Or, alternatively, I can take advantage of my self-taught tarot card reading skills I picked up to write a series of short stories on, well, tarot reading.  I might even post one of the short stories as a bonus blog over the weekend.  I make no promises as to accuracy, but I will tell you what the cards tell me, no lies and, sadly, no prettying it up.  And, it’s free.

So, what will it be first - noting that whatever I don’t do first, I will be doing eventually.

Today, it’s up to you.  Let your choices be heard in the comments.

And, Friday, feel free to pelt me with the appropriate questions.  The Scientist/Tarot Queen will be in and answering.

You may be wondering about this incredibly cute picture of my baby.  Well, it’s actually pertinent to my topic, but you’ll have to bear with me.

This morning, I was reading an article on spaceref.com on an MIT report, written, apparently, with the new Obama administration in mind.  The intent of this short paper was to provide a rationale for human spaceflight, what one would hope to gain and how to adjust NASA to best address our needs to make an effective human spaceflight program.

For those of you who’ve been following my blog from the beginning (all 2-3 of you), I don’t need to tell you that I’m a huge advocate for intelligent human spaceflight programs.  For the rest of you, yeah, I’m a huge advocate for human spaceflight.  I explained why here and here , explained what I loved about the (US) manned spaceflight program and a few things I thought worked against us here , here , here and here .  Basically, I love the idea of human spaceflight in concept.

I also struggle to argue with those that challenge how we’re doing it now.  But just because the implementation of a worthwhile endeavor is flawed does not, in my opinion, mean that the endeavor should be tossed.

So, I read the paper (which can be downloaded in pdf ).  I’d recommend anyone who cares about the space program to do the same.  I think the paper I read says something similar to what I’ve been saying; more than that, though, it has the potential to put us back on the path for a meaningful human spaceflight program.  I found myself nodding along with the music, as it were.  I especially respected how they addressed safety:

How does that tie into this picture?  Well, human spaceflight has an impact on more than just the people that go into space, it has an impact on all of us, it changes the next generation, what we think we can do and, therefore, what we actually do.  It sets the tone, and provides inspiration for those that follow, just like Apollo did for many of us (I was born in 1967).  I want my daughter to have that.  I want her to know what it’s like to have those of her kind go beyond the envelope of earth.

And, I want the United States to be part of tomorrow’s human spaceflight.

But I believe, absolutely, that, whether the US is a key driver in future of human spaceflight or not, human spaceflight will happen, that someone, likely in my lifetime, will walk the moon again and maybe even somewhere else.  It will happen.  And it is for the betterment of all mankind.

My sister, shakespearemom , wrote a blog today about expectations.  Largely, I think, she was pointing out that writers can’t please everyone and that, in the end, pleasing oneself is most important.  After all, who will read your stuff as many times as you will?  Actually, she was quite eloquent and I recommend anyone with even the vaguest interest to check it out.

However, as an example, she made a point that people could read books or watch movies and expect something only to be disappointed, not because what they found was bad but because it was different than they’re expectations.  Well, shameless thief that I am (and, as I’m about to explain, this is true in more ways than one), I thought that was a great idea for a blog.  Because much of my writing has stemmed from reading something, seeing a particular end coming and being disappointed.

As a writer, there is nothing I hate more than potential wasted.  Like the Elric series by Michael Moorcock in my opinion, where we have a stunning image, the albino elf-king, who needs his magic to stay alive and depends on his evil black sword.  I mean, this could have been so cool.  Instead, he betrays his own nation for no discernable reason and then roams the world destroying nations and bands of unarmed ruffians (which, by the way, takes the same number of pages and the same amount of effort - which I hated).  He is generally not close to someone, but, if he becomes so, you can bet he’ll betray him or her at some point and move on.  Oooookay.  Not my kind of guy.  True, I’ve never put an albino in any of my books (and don’t see it happening any time soon) nor do I have anything with that plot.  However, when I wrote my sword and sorcery book, easy fights are quick and painless and real battles take the appropriate number of pages.  And I don’t do anti-heroes.

When I was in high school, this disappointment was a big thing for me.  I’d watch Conan the Barbarian and then get all disappointed because he didn’t throw himself on the funeral pyre or something when she died (yeah, I thought that was romantic, then) so I’d rewrite the story (then in long epic poetry) to suit myself, of course fixing all the other things I didn’t like along the way until even I didn’t recognize it.  Why?  Well, because it wasn’t the same story, of course.  The story I expected was apparently resident in my subconscious and the other story triggered it with it’s “wrongness”.  Ditto with say Labyrinth (perhaps you’ve noticed by now the trend of less than stellar stories - I don’t have to fix the good ones, you know).  I defy you to find the story of a fairy tale age princess pining for challenge, called to answer it, doing so, being rescued by the elf-king, saved from goblins, thinking she won, then leaving the elf-king to pine away for lack of love, only to find her way back.  I mean, aside from her saying, “I don’t need you,” there was nothing the same.  Good stuff if you like long epic poetry.  No one does, of course.

I still get inspired with stuff, though the caliber has generally improved.  I still like to fix things I didn’t like or take the idea of a character to what I think is it’s natural conclusion.  And I think most writers do the same, find something they like or wanted to like and ask themselves how to capture what works but make it theirs.  But you can’t give me even the most benign thing and have it come out anything like the original.  Which, going back to my sister’s blog, means that, if you have any expectations of what you think ought to happen in my stuff, well, they’re wasted on me.

I think funny.

So, moving on from a heavy topic to one that’s a bit lighter, what do you think about the possibility of psychic power?  From polls, people tend to believe in it in the abstract, but disbelieve in the specific.  I can relate to that.  I’ve only met a handful of people I thought had any psychic power and it was quite limited.  Most, though, were in my own family, which may make me hesitant to accept it elsewhere.  I’ve seen it in my husband’s family and in a few friends.  What I’ve never seen is a psychic I considered genuine who was trying to make money at it.  All the real ones I know are “amateurs”.

I know what some of you are likely thinking (though I’m not a telepath).  She claims to be a scientist.  Well, why does being a scientist preclude believing in the possibility of psychic power?  In fact, I’m at a loss how a scientist could presume to say it’s impossible.

Now, bear in mind, scientific evidence of psychic power is practically nonexistent and/or readily debunked.  Many have tried to get some solid evidence and been unable to pull it off.  But absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.  Is it that it doesn’t exist or that it doesn’t work on command?  Is it that we don’t really have it or that it defies our attempts to measure it?

Because of the lack of evidence, of course, I can’t put “psychic abilities” into the pot of “science” nor do I intend to.  I’m perfectly comfortable believing in the possibility and feeling comfortable with my own experiences in that field.  Nor do I have a conflict between my own experiences and science.  No one has to agree with me.  I, er, know what I know.

Here’s an example.  I’m empathic.  I have a good sense of what people are feeling (even when they’re not in touch with it themselves) and it affects me. [My husband does not think I’m good at reading him.  Jury’s out in my opinion]  I can shield myself, but I rarely do and I never shield myself from my family - which, as they are very moody, is not all joy.  One of the side effects is that it’s very difficult to lie to me (at least if you didn’t want me to know you were lying).  There are, of course, people who are opaque to me that can get me into trouble (my ex comes to mind), but it’s the exception and not the rule.  One of the other side effects is that, if anyone in the family is hungry, I am starving and try to feed everyone.  This can happen to me while I’m at work.  On more than one occasion I’ve called my husband and told him, “For Heaven’s sake, eat something why don’t you!”  It also makes it almost impossible for me to let a baby cry.

Another weird talent I have (not sure if it counts as psychic) is an ability to read things and have things that aren’t right leap right off the page.  Conclusions that aren’t supported leap out at me, exaggerations, half-truths, misinformation just jump off the page and entice me to pursue even if it’s not my area of expertise.  Believe me, when one of those hit me, I become an expert and fast.  Many times, I find problems no one thought to look for.  To date, I’ve never been wrong to pursue one of those things that hit me.  Sometimes the data is there, but wasn’t included.  And sometimes, it just wasn’t there.

You don’t have to buy all that, of course.  By all means, believe or disbelieve as you will. Then again, feel free to tell me what you think and/or what your experiences are.  I’m curious how many feel the same and feel differently.

One of the many things that surprise me, given my rather naive outlook on the nature of hatred, is the antipathy, the downright vilification so many people have for fat people.  In a world of political correctness, where judging people based on a large number of factors like gender, race, age, nationality, physical handicap, religion, height, hair color, etc. is the sign of the neanderthal, horrific generalizations and derogatory aspersions are still socially acceptable when we’re talking about “fat people.” What I mean is, people who pride themselves on their tolerance and lack of prejudice are right there belittling with the rest of them.

For example, if I put on a few pounds, suddenly everyone has a carte blanche to assume I’m dumb and lazy, to presuppose my diet (”Might want to cut down on those donuts, porky”), to make assumptions about my health and habits.  If I protest, they’ll explain that they’re tired of the excuses…just get off my butt and…

Pardon me, but why do I have to come up with excuses?  Why do I have to explain myself to you or anyone else?  Why does my physical appearance give you the right to make snap judgements about my education, my intelligence, my diligence, my dedication and, yes, my habits and diet?

Why do we consider it acceptable for the objects of prejudice to have to explain themselves to those who are judging?

Now, let me make myself clear.  I’m not going to argue, at this time, how easy it is to stay or get fit.  If you want to fill my comments with aspersions on how lazy all the fat people are, I won’t answer.  The question on the table is why is it OK to hate fat people?

Let’s say, for arguments sake, that everyone overweight or obese chose not do make the sacrifices necessary to getting and staying thin.  (I’ll save the discussion on the distinction between choosing to be fat and choosing not to make the sacrifices to stop being fat for a later different discussion).

It’s not like smoking.  No one around a fat person suffers healthwise.  One can (and I do) have children of healthy habits and weights.  Smoking is still the number 1 preventable killer (for those of you who think it reflects poorly on everyone if someone dies early because he’s fat. See these links for some resources here , here and here ), but no one talks about charging them an extra tax or jokes about making them pay extra for this and that - but they do about fat people.  Yet smokers who don’t inflict their habits on others or blow smoke in their own children’s faces don’t get this kind of animosity - and that’s good.  I’ve always felt grown people can decide their own fate and make their own choices as long as they don’t inflict them on others.  Most smokers I know are very thoughtful and, rather than hate them for their habits, I’m grateful for their courtesy. After all, do I know how they started or what they’ve tried to do to change?  What they’ve lived through?  How can I judge?  Yet, why do people feel so differently for fat people?

I’ve seen drunk drivers treated with more sympathy than fat people.  True, its another addiction, but you make choices to get behind the wheel and it is frequently someone else that pays the price.  Homes are ruined, lives shattered, but people understand it’s a struggle and work with them.  Other people don’t die when someone’s fat.  Most fat folks can function day to day like the rest of us, when they’re not driven into hiding from having their self esteem shattered under the unkind feet of others.  But they are likely to be treated with contempt.

And that’s the crux, the same reason battered women have such a hard time leaving men that misuse them and children don’t tell…and fat people stay fat.  It’s hard to make serious changes when your self-esteem is down to a nub, when you’ve been convinced you’re not worth it.  I don’t know why so many think that beating up someone’s self-image will give them the tools they need to improve themselves.  Fat is one of the few places where that methodology is used.  We all see how well it’s working.

Part of it, of course, is that you can hide other problems.  No one may ever know you go home and drink yourself stupid every night or smoke like a chimney while surfing the web at home.  You can’t hide fat, not really.  I wonder sometimes if it’s the same reason so many homophobes are so vehement, because it’s a struggle they have and they need their hatred to keep themselves from slipping into failure, into fat.

I don’t know, but I do think it’s wrong.  Not because getting fit is impossible for all fat people.  We know it’s not.  Not because anyone else can do it for us.  We know we have to be the ones to do it.  But because, whatever we look like, we’re still people as diverse and individual as the next person.  We sing and play and work and laugh and cry and hurt just like regular people.

I guess my issue is with people who could look at me and, based solely on my size, decide what I am.  That’s the real problem.

I’m not a what.  I’m a who.

The first person I saw do this little charming exercise was Wurdzgirl , but many have pursued this with, in my opinion, amazing revelations and introspection.  The key is, apparently, to forgo the normal New Years Resolutions on correcting particular vices and make the opportunity to address the underlying issues, those character flaws or areas of improvement that you need to change to help you become the person you want to be.  My interpretations of this would be that you’d not only improve yourself in a more definitive permanent way, grow in fact, but also address some of those vices in an incidental way.

So, I was thinking.  It wasn’t that long ago that I was truly struggling with some significant issues, that I was addressing a depression that left me feeling helpless and option-free.  But I’ve been away from there for some time.  But I’m still letting what I couldn’t do then and what I can’t do now still stress me.  Not send me over the edge, but stress me.  But there’s a great deal I can do and do do.  I need to appreciate what I can do and find comfort in that.

I’m a somewhat driven person.  Self-starting is generally not an issue for me; I always have more irons in the fire than I have time to work and I drive myself crazy sometimes trying to juggle them all.  The downside is, though many of these are pleasant pastimes for me, I’m not taking the time to enjoy them.  I’m too busy rushing.  But I don’t have to do everything.  I don’t have to do it all.  There’s plenty of time to do the things I enjoy if I take a little more leisurely trip, and appreciate those things I love to do.

I sometimes feel like the oldest person I know.  In many ways, I never was a kid, a child.  I never really learned to “play.”  My husband is younger.  My daughter is a teenager.  My son is precocious.  And I have a baby.  I’m a graybeard next to them all.  But all of them, largely because of the efforts of my husband and myself, know how to play and play hard.  And, if I take the time to enjoy them, to hang with them, I not only get to spend time with the people that mean the most to me, with the last baby I’ll ever have, I get a lesson in playing like I’ve never had.  I have a beautiful, unique and entertaining family and I need to appreciate that time I have with them.

Life is beautiful and I have a full one.  Next year, I’m going to take the time, give myself a break from the overdrive, and appreciate it in ways I’ve been forgetting to.  After all, we all are here for a limited time.  No sense not enjoying the time I have.

My word for 2009 is appreciate.

What do you want from your 2009?

Warning: Don’t eat while reading this blog.

Have you ever noticed how books are seriously leery about describing anything remotely biological, even when biology is a key element?

It must have been great in those old Regency romances to be trapped in a cellar for hours on end and, when rescued by the tall, rich and cynical hero, the heroine emerges, free of sweat, having had no need to sully any corner of the cellar with, um, biological wastes.  At worst, she’s a bit dusty.

I’m not saying we need to focus on urination or evacuation of the bowels.  But there are times when one is trapped in a cell or lost in an enclosed space, it can become an issue.  For me, it’s more distracting wondering what the character did to address the issue than it is to just make mention of it.

Here’s another one that is rarely touched on in fiction: menstruation.  Whoops, should have warned you men.  That’s right.  Girls trapped on a desert island with randy males are either going to figure out something to help them out once a month, or they’ll be making little ones.  That’s reality.  Again, fiction doesn’t have to dwell on this, necessarily, but a mention can make the characters and the situation seem more real.

And failing to mention it can make it a distraction.  For instance, in the Twilight series I’ve mentioned in several past blogs, we have vampires, particularly one vampire, that is driven nearly mad with the smell of our heroine and a whole family that goes nuts at the scent of blood when she gets a cut.  She is nearly as sensitive herself to blood, the smell sending her into nausea and fainting during science blood-typing (though, throughout the rest of the book series, she doesn’t appear to be bothered even during serious bloodletting.  Hmm.  See what I mean about being distracting).  One thing that’s never addressed is how she manages during certain times of the month when she is making any amount of blood (of a particularly pungent variety).  I mean, if a drop of blood on one’s fingers does her in, how does she not end up in the hospital when she deals with her own biology?  And since females change odor during menstruation, how did Edward manage it.  It was an interesting and natural part of life and the opportunity was really wasted.

And, now that we’re on the subject of biological processes in fiction, why is it almost everyone has no hesitation to bring out vomiting.  I mean, if I’m going to pick a biological process I’d like to know less about, that’s about topping the list.  Yet authors, whose characters go on for years with pee or pooping will vomit frequently and in exceptional detail.

Now, am I innocent of all these transgressions?  No, but it is something I think about here and again.  I’m not going to dwell on any of this in fiction, either.  But I will make an effort not to ignore it either.